"We Can't Choose Our Suffering, Only What We Do with It"
A mother killed on her way to give birth left us a will of how to deal with the pain
Last year when I visited Kibbutz Be’eri, I heard the story of one man who survived October 7th by hiding with his wife in a storage closet on the upper deck of his home. Upon not finding them in the house, the terrorists decided it was empty and made their “headquarters” for the day in their home. This man told us that after many, many long hours of that awful day, after all they went through, something happened that made his wife exclaim. “That can’t possibly be.” And I remember asking him “After all she’d been through, she couldn’t believe that could happen?!?”
Thursday we woke to a headline that, even after all we’ve been through in the last year-and-a-half-plus, made us say “That can’t be.” Tzeela, a pregnant mother on her way to the hospital to give birth— murdered.
The pain is so big it’s hard to imagine what to say, how to move forward.
Unbelievably, Tzeela, a movement therapist, left behind a library of videos on her Facebook page that she intended as a way to share her wisdom and grow her business. Now, they are a will for her husband, her children, her family and friends, and for all of us.
I bring you those videos below, a request for prayer, and the voice of a friend Tzeela and I shared.
EDIT: The Gez baby, Ravid Chaim, has died. 😔
This morning, the family shared a request for prayer for Tzeela’s baby, delivered from her lifeless body:
"The name that Tzeela chose": The Gez Family Names the Baby
“At the end of the morning prayer at the Gez family home, with the participation of the rabbi of the yishuv Bruchin Rabbi Meir Hilevich, the head of the Samaria Council Yossi Dagan, and close friends of the family, a rare ceremony* was held to name the baby boy: Ravid Chaim, the name that Tzeela chose. The family asks all of us to pray for the healing of the baby Ravid Chaim ben Tzeela.”
*The naming of a baby boy is normally done at the baby’s circumcison. Exceptions are in cases such as this when the brit will be delayed for health reasons and the baby needs prayers for healing.
I did not know Tzeela at all, but in Israel, we are rarely more than two degrees away from one another, and I found these words on the Facebook page our shared friend, Tehilla Miller:
”My Dear Tzeela,
We haven't been in touch for a long time, but three years of intensive and deep movement therapy studies make their mark. We were a small group, and we did everything together. Our studies, our assignments, our breaks, the time in the cafeteria… Pregnancies, the excitement, the birth, the brit.
And even a meeting of our husbands, because it was impossible that our other-halves don't know one another!
I think of you and an image of you moving comes to mind. Lots of waves, lots of femininity, tenderness, and also courage and speed.
We were similar in many ways and we found a shared language.
I hear and see you smiling, ‘Tehilla!’ Laughing, also knowing how to cry, asking for advice, dreaming...
After we finished, I was amazed at the pace at which you advanced in the world of therapy. I watched you from afar studying, advertising, treating, marketing... Wanting to quickly bring your blessing to the world, because there is no time... Apparently your soul knew.
I once heard that the more souls depend on a person, the harder it is for God to take her from this world, because more people need her. How many people need you in this world!
God, I'm sorry, it must have been especially difficult for you this time.
My experience has already taught me that there are many ways you can take a person from this world. But this time... it is especially shaking, in the soft belly of each and every one of us.
But
Your light, Tzeela, still shines.
In your sweet children who carry your light.
In the many patients you have touched.
In your husband, may God illuminate his path and heart with much comfort.
Thank you for the light you have shone in me.
This week I will dance in your honor.
I am inspired by you to spread my light in the world, too.
Not because there is no time.
But because the world needs us, the light of each one of us.”
And this really needs no introduction— it is just so amazing that Tzeela left behind these “instructions” for dealing with suffering and pain.
(From Tzeela’s Facebook page. I have trimmed the videos slightly at the end)
Thursday I will share another voice, that of Orit Mark Ettinger, about how we can choose what do with our suffering. May we all be able to internalize Tzeela’s wisdom.